All too often I hear someone say “Oh Johnny has behaviors.”, “Billy is pushing/pinching/running away, etc.” or “Jenny is always tantruming.” It is so easy to slap the label of “behavioral” on our little guys, but sometimes we need to take a step back and think. Is Johnny pushing Billy because he wants to say hi, but does not know how? Is Billy running away from the table because he is over stimulated by the noise and is looking to regulate himself? Is Jenny crying because her shoe is untied and she does not know how to ask for help?
It is important to look at what the “behavior” is trying to accomplish. Once we can generate possible ideas as to what the action is trying to communicate we will (hopefully) see a decrease in the action. Below are some ways to help your little guys work through those tough moments.
- If your little one is easily frustrated and crying because of ________ (fill in the blank with anything that may bother a toddler or young child):
– Comfort them and give them the language for their feelings. Here is a quick story from the other day with a kindergartener. In our session we made chef hats. We needed to leave them in speech for next time. This little boy, let’s call him Joe, got upset. He fell to the floor and started to cry. He was not in an optimal zone and was clearly heightened. So, I came in with a very calm voice and said, “Joe, I can see that you are sad. It is okay to cry when we are sad.” I sat on the floor with him and gave him some light pressure (which I know works for this little friend). Once he worked through those emotions I told him, “Joe, we need to use our chef hat tomorrow, but we can bring it home on Friday.” After this he stood up and we went back to class with no tears. Joe doesn’t have the language to tell me he was sad because he wanted to bring the chef hat home. Modeling that language for him and accepting the fact that that made him sad made all the difference.
So moral of the story is, it is okay to feel! Think about it. If you are sad and your loved one ignored you, walked away, or you were told you couldn’t have something you loved because of it how would you feel? Personally, if someone told me “If you don’t stop crying you can’t have your coffee later.” I would get more upset! Our little ones are still people and they are learning how to communicate and how to process their feelings. We need to support them by comforting them and providing them with the language they they may not have. - Your little one has a pattern that you can track:
– Does your little one get frustrated or upset by the same action/activity/need. Maybe their shoe is untied and they can’t tie it themselves. Maybe they can’t reach something. Maybe they can’t open something. The maybe’s can go on and on. If you know that a situation upsets your child and they do not have the language to properly ask for help or make a comment we can help them. Model the situation for the child during a calm or play based situation. For example, if Jenny gets upsets and cries when her shoe is untied work this into play activities. You can pretend that Mickey Mouse’s shoe is untied and model “Help me tie”, “Help me shoe”, or “Look, shoe.” When you see that your shoe is untied you can model “Look my shoe. I need to tie it. Can you help me tie it?” I know what you are thinking…… if they could tie the shoe they wouldn’t be upset. The “help” can simply be having the child hold their finger over the cross over while you do the loop, swoop, and pull part. Both of these situations (play and real life) are providing the language when the child is in a calm state. This is called our optimal learning zone. One time is not enough though. Research shows that to really learn a word some little ones need 35 exposures to it! Build these learning opportunities into every day a few times and bam! 35 exposures happens fast. - Sensory…. is a scary word to some people. Does your child have sensory needs:
– We have different sensory systems that take in the world around us. As we go about our day we receive input from our visual, auditory, olfactory (smell), gustatory (taste), tactile (touch), vestibular (balance and spatial), and proprioceptive (muscles and joints, body in space). Sometimes these systems do not function in a way that is ideal and our body does not regulate itself. We then seek input to help regulate ourselves. Did you know that kids who are always climbing may be seeking input for their vestibular system!? Did you know that a kid who is pushing another kid may be looking for heavy work (pushing against their body) to give input into their proprioceptive system?! These actions are automatically frowned upon and adults try to stop them. We need to think about our child’s level of arousal and what they are searching for. It is best to consult an OT!
These are just some of the many ways that we can help our little guys work through the tough parts of their day! I hope this information was useful and you can incorporate some of the strategies into your daily routines!
All too often I hear someone say “Oh Johnny has behaviors.”, “Billy is pushing/pinching/running away, etc.” or “Jenny is always tantruming.” It is so easy to slap the label of “behavioral” on our little guys, but sometimes we need to take a step back and think. Is Johnny pushing Billy because he wants to say hi, but does not know how? Is Billy running away from the table because he is over stimulated by the noise and is looking to regulate himself? Is Jenny crying because her shoe is untied and she does not know how to ask for help?
It is important to look at what the “behavior” is trying to accomplish. Once we can generate possible ideas as to what the action is trying to communicate we will (hopefully) see a decrease in the action. Below are some ways to help your little guys work through those tough moments.
- If your little one is easily frustrated and crying because of ________ (fill in the blank with anything that may bother a toddler or young child):
– Comfort them and give them the language for their feelings. Here is a quick story from the other day with a kindergartener. In our session we made chef hats. We needed to leave them in speech for next time. This little boy, let’s call him Joe, got upset. He fell to the floor and started to cry. He was not in an optimal zone and was clearly heightened. So, I came in with a very calm voice and said, “Joe, I can see that you are sad. It is okay to cry when we are sad.” I sat on the floor with him and gave him some light pressure (which I know works for this little friend). Once he worked through those emotions I told him, “Joe, we need to use our chef hat tomorrow, but we can bring it home on Friday.” After this he stood up and we went back to class with no tears. Joe doesn’t have the language to tell me he was sad because he wanted to bring the chef hat home. Modeling that language for him and accepting the fact that that made him sad made all the difference.
So moral of the story is, it is okay to feel! Think about it. If you are sad and your loved one ignored you, walked away, or you were told you couldn’t have something you loved because of it how would you feel? Personally, if someone told me “If you don’t stop crying you can’t have your coffee later.” I would get more upset! Our little ones are still people and they are learning how to communicate and how to process their feelings. We need to support them by comforting them and providing them with the language they they may not have. - Your little one has a pattern that you can track:
– Does your little one get frustrated or upset by the same action/activity/need. Maybe their shoe is untied and they can’t tie it themselves. Maybe they can’t reach something. Maybe they can’t open something. The maybe’s can go on and on. If you know that a situation upsets your child and they do not have the language to properly ask for help or make a comment we can help them. Model the situation for the child during a calm or play based situation. For example, if Jenny gets upsets and cries when her shoe is untied work this into play activities. You can pretend that Mickey Mouse’s shoe is untied and model “Help me tie”, “Help me shoe”, or “Look, shoe.” When you see that your shoe is untied you can model “Look my shoe. I need to tie it. Can you help me tie it?” I know what you are thinking…… if they could tie the shoe they wouldn’t be upset. The “help” can simply be having the child hold their finger over the cross over while you do the loop, swoop, and pull part. Both of these situations (play and real life) are providing the language when the child is in a calm state. This is called our optimal learning zone. One time is not enough though. Research shows that to really learn a word some little ones need 35 exposures to it! Build these learning opportunities into every day a few times and bam! 35 exposures happens fast. - Sensory…. is a scary word to some people. Does your child have sensory needs:
– We have different sensory systems that take in the world around us. As we go about our day we receive input from our visual, auditory, olfactory (smell), gustatory (taste), tactile (touch), vestibular (balance and spatial), and proprioceptive (muscles and joints, body in space). Sometimes these systems do not function in a way that is ideal and our body does not regulate itself. We then seek input to help regulate ourselves. Did you know that kids who are always climbing may be seeking input for their vestibular system!? Did you know that a kid who is pushing another kid may be looking for heavy work (pushing against their body) to give input into their proprioceptive system?! These actions are automatically frowned upon and adults try to stop them. We need to think about our child’s level of arousal and what they are searching for. It is best to consult an OT!
These are just some of the many ways that we can help our little guys work through the tough parts of their day! I hope this information was useful and you can incorporate some of the strategies into your daily routines!
Time 2 Talk, LLC 